Up up and away to Chandni Chowk


Akshay Kumar after reportedly being attacked by bricks and bats by a bunch of haggard critics has come out to say in an interview, ‘I am not Superman,’ by which I think he means he would’ve willed all the bricks to fly in the opposite direction by mere eyesight and then fly away cape fluttering to the Great Wall of China.
Yes, almost all of China in Akshay’s Chandni Chowk seems to stretch from one end of the Great Wall to the other, and it also seems it’s perfectly alright to fall off it and survive; to throw chopsticks and kill people; to have mad double roles, coincidences and Asian Sky Shop products, including the amazing umbrella that’s bulletproof, stabproof and can fly. All in all…it’s completely mindless.
But since when did we Indians start complaining about mindless scripts? Our suspension of disbelief is in perfect condition when Sunny Deol uproots the tube-well to kill villains (Gadar), when Shah Rukh jumps off a tower and survives (Koyla) and of course, when Aamir Khan breaks chairs on his backs, slaps a deputy-of-a deputy-villain’s neck backwards, and kills 30 odd goons apparently within 15 mins (Ghajini).
The problem it seems then is when the message actually tells us to suspend disbelief, when we’re told beforehand to “leave your brains behind”. Shouldn’t have done that, Akshay…totally your faullt. It seems that offended the viewers – someone finally told them the close-guarded secret - most of what we watch has no sense and doesn’t require any brainpower…none, absolutely.
But hang on…the film’s done not so bad at the BO, but critics seem to be bashing it in unison. Did they then…oh, now we get it…it’s not us viewers, but you guys who got offended, who thought we were questioning your brains. So, here’s what I think you did (and Akshay might agree) – you didn’t heed the advice and brought your brains along, it obviously malfunctioned and then you wrote.
While you could digest Sanjay Singhania’s bizarre Ghulam-like office dressing (sleeves rolled up, mawalli style), to-be-doctor Jiah Khan’s (that’s already a laugh) pointless item number, and Aamir’s ability to remember to exercise every morning to kill the villain, you couldn’t accept a film that is, as the Hipposaur has said, “self-consciously” made.
The over-the-top humour, the v.v.v Bollywood judwaa behnein, bichhraa baap, and the fight sequences and cinematography done like a B-grade Chinese-to-Hollywood dub…are to me, very self-conscious. In fact, the hero fighting with a sickle and hammer, and the red tones (in case you don’t get it: think Communism) are quite brilliant.
The film does stretch and some portions aren’t all that entertaining, but the spoof is deliberate and the action sequences are as good as they get.
But SRK gets away poking fun at Bollywood because he’s SRK (I too liked OSO) and Aamir gets away with a mindless remade script because he’s Aamir…Akshay doesn’t, evidently, because he told-you-so beforehand.
Sorry Akki, you didn’t throw the right people off the wall before making the movie. And I gtg now, ‘cuz I see the zombie haggard critic looking for a brick.

8 comments:

Jayeeta Mazumder said...

This is hilariously funny! I think the zombies definitely will have major problems and might rate you -3 or something on 10!

Sarit said...

Hehe...

Mani said...

Awesome buddy!!! Damn funny and interesting points brought up!! I Like it!!

Sarit said...

thank you...we're the v few to share common sentiments on this one

tanmaysekhar said...

heeey, thats a good one!!! funny... yes it is... serious stuff told in a funny way... I think so.
You missed out something in our Bolly movies like SRK can walk on the wall with a special shoes in a movie called Badshah, so these things will happen but... ofcourse you cant comment on a CRITIC!!! That also CRITICALLY...

mithun khan said...

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