Beware! Masked men about town


It’s the August of 2009 and there’s a new villain on the prowl. The crowd-and-sweat loving citizens of megatown Mumbai have a new menace wreaking hovoc, striking fear in their hearts. The swine is in the air!

And as the city pushes and shoves into the 9’o clock Borivili Fast, the dark new face of evil lurks surreptitiously about. Stretching its dark, invisible fingers, it reaches out for the unsuspecting victim in a striped shirt and tie, thumbing away on his blackberry and feasting on the vadapaw and samosa without a care in the world.

In a flash it reaches for the innocent victim. Only the healer can save him now, with the magical ingredient legend calls Tamiflu. But he’s hard to reach these days, since he’s doing overtime in neighbouring Pune.

The Daily Planet reports, voicing a general fury—“Swine kills 2 more! Where is Superman?”

The man of steel who had called it a day, retiring to Crypton after red innerwear over blue spandex went out of fashion in the ’70s was last seen in a theatre near you in 2006. The world’s safety is at stake and everyone is looking up to the skies.

But just as we thought the swine will reign as the new king of crime, there are new heroes among us. With level 6 pandemic comes great responsibility. And for the first time, resolute Mumbaikars are ready to step up to the task.

“Even on the brink of a shutdown, as a panicky government calls for malls and schools to shut down, heroic Mumbaikars don the masks,” The Planet announces with gusto. A young man in a Led Zepplin t-shirt and cropped hair steps into the medicine shop, asking for the mask. His face is solemn. He isn’t doing this by will or for fun, but because he must. At the risk of slimming down his chances of finding a girlfriend this season, he dons the mask. He’s ready to take on the swine!

So is the blackberry-punching corporate and the one-piece safari suit-donning Mr Shah.

Funnily, there are more masks in the First Class than in second. Some with handkerchiefs tied around their faces, I assume, are interning to be heroes. In a week, they too should qualify.

It’s mid-August now, and people are ebbing back to reopened theatres to see Fahid Kapoor’s Kaminey. Schools are gradually opening again. Normalcy seems to be returning to the megatown. Evil forces still exist, but they’re losing the battle. The masked men have succeeded. For now!

Disclaimer: This one might sound a little dated, thanks to engagements halfway though, and sheer laziness (Note: I was not struck by the swine, nor by anyone I’ve called by that name! I swear!)

3 comments:

tanmaysekhar said...

hey there mumbaikar comes...
its typical mumbaikar man. Good funny piece Farit... have u seen da movie?

Jayeeta Mazumder said...

Indeed! masked men are all around.. from the moment I step out of the house! Oh and Kaminey was fuper brilliant!

Benny said...

hey! I got you!! gonna follow you!! :) Nice post!! masked men, indeed!!!